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A Letter from Mommy to Elijah
"Leave her alone," said Jesus.
"Why are you bothering her?
She has done a beautiful thing....
She did what she could."
-Mark 14:6, 8 (NIV)
My Darling Elijah,
There are no words that can express the emptiness I feel. I have a hole in my heart that cannot be measured. I loved you the day I found out I was pregnant and I will love you for life. When you were born there was nothing but laughter in the room. At a time when most expecting mothers are in pain, I was laughing hard at the jokes everyone around me were saying, and all of a sudden you came out. I was laughing as you came out crying; and now you were the one laughing and dancing with your two older brothers but now I'm the one crying. You're a beautiful baby with an angelic face. Your smile was one that could soften hearts, but my heart you've just made stronger. You don't realize what you have until it's gone and I've realized that. I've taken so much for granted Elijah. I've always said to friends and family that you were making up for your two older brothers being such good babies. You were all over the place--and you started when you were still in the womb. You really put your mommy to work.
Elijah…remember when you would put the lampshade over your head and walk around the house. The first time you did that I was sitting at the computer and out the corner of my eye I saw you…waddling with that green lampshade strung over your head. It was the cutest sight. I just laughed and wished I had batteries for my camera. Remember when ,again, I was sitting at the computer with you on my lap, and kuya Roshan had the "yoda" mask on and scared you…scared you so much you farted on my lap? That was so funny. I couldn't help but laugh. There was a time when none of us knew where you were at. Your daddy was at work and your brothers and I were looking all over the house for you. Then I finally found you laying in kuya Roshan's bed sleeping under his cover (another Kodak moment). So many memories Elijah. You've given us so many memories and I thank you for that. We've already put your playpen away because daddy just couldn't take seeing the playpen there and you gone whenever he checked up on your brothers. I wanted to keep it there for other reasons. Your clothes are still in your little dresser and I have clothes that have been washed but I just can't bring myself to fold them anymore because that is what I did as you slept the night before you became an angel. The Sunday before you passed I had set out all of your summer clothes and put away your winter clothes. You have outfits you haven't even worn yet. I kept the blankets that were in your playpen and haven't washed them…never will…they smell too much like you. I even smell the inside of your shoes. They may stink to someone else but that's my baby's smell. That's your stinky feet Lijah and I love it. Your high chair still sits in the kitchen with the last mess you made. I miss seeing you slide down those steps…and like your uncle JR said…your right pant leg would be pushed up to your knee and you walked around bow-legged lookin' like a little gangsta without meaning to. You would slide down those steps and say "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" till you got to the bottom. I miss saying "I luv da Lijah" and you smiling at me after I say it. I miss saying "kish mommy" and you running to me and going "mmmmwahhh". Your kisses were always wet but I loved them anyway. I missed every time I entered a room you were in I would say "Hello jere (there)!" and you would run to me. It's only been a couple months since you learned to jump out of your playpen. When you figured out how, your daddy and I would ask kuya Roshan "who took Elijah out of his playpen" and he would tell us you got out yourself but we didn't believe him. We had to see it for ourselves--and sure enough, you jumped out of that playpen as fast as we put you in it.
Elijah…in the mornings I miss seeing you come into our bedroom as your daddy and I were sleeping. You would grab onto the sheets and pull yourself up onto our bed and stand on the side rail and hit your dad in the face with whatever it was you had in your hand (that little blue truck, a cup, a ball and sometimes even just your hand). Then you'd crawl over him (as he was still sleeping) and come lay next to me. I miss giving you your baths and watching your hair just fall down your back. You looked like a little girl, you were so precious…your hair came down to your mid-back with little wet curls. I miss that hair of yours. I'm so glad we never cut it. What would you have twisted while you sucked on those two fingers you loved sucking on so much? That's how you were for most of the time. You had those two fingers in your mouth and your other fingers tended to those curly locks you have on your head. I miss smelling your cheeks Elijah. You just had that certain smell that I smelled everywhere you were--almost angelic. When we were in the car, you sat directly behind me in your carseat and I could smell you from up front. You just had this sweet smell. I can't explain it. I could even find something sweet about your funky feet and stinky butt-butt. Elijah I miss hearing you say "nigh-nigh". That was the sweetest thing to hear before going to bed.
Your daddy misses you so much Elijah. It hurts me to see him cry. I've never seen your daddy cry until now, and he cries so much for you. Roshan seems to be getting better. He will obviously miss you and have days where he will cry for you. Lorenzo is still too young to understand what happened, but I'm sure he feels something. He notices you're not here popping him on the head with your toys, or just even staring him in the face until he gets annoyed and cries. I know Lorenzo can feel our emptiness. I'm sure Lorenzo realizes we are no longer with your presence physically. There are times when he cries…but only he knows why. Whenever he sees your pictures he always points then says "Dewijah".
The word death never crossed my mind when I thought of either of you kids. I kept a close eye on all three of you. Your father and I sheltered you with love, guidance and strict supervision. We wouldn't let you kids even go in the backyard for fear of getting hit on the head by a baseball, we wouldn't let you run the aisles in the grocery or department stores for fear of you getting lured away by a stranger, we did everything we possibly could to protect each and every one of our kids, but even that wasn't enough. I've seen this happen on television with other mothers, I've experienced the thought of possibly losing one of you and it hurt too much to even think about it, but now it has happened. My baby was taken from me. You were taken from me. What am I to do now Elijah, now that you're gone? I was never the type of person that needed "alone" time--NEVER. I always needed someone…I always needed you. You were with me day in and day out. You were a part of my daily routine. If I left you with someone all I thought about was you while I was away.. I need you Elijah. I love you Elijah. You and I were connected at the hip, literally. I want to remember you always Elijah, and I will. We all will. You will FOREVER be in our hearts Lijah.
"I LUV DA LIJAH"
Love Forever & Always,
Mommy
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Elijah's Special Date of September 9, 2003
In 2003 there were 4,091,063 births in the US.
Elijah was born on a Tuesday with the date of conception on or about December 17, 2002.
Elijah shares his birthday with...
Otis Redding, Michael Keaton, Hugh Grant, Adam Sandler, and Macy Gray....(whoa!)
**Did you know that on this day (Sept 9) in the year 1850, California became the 31st state in record time? didn't know that...did ya? well, neither did i, but i thought it was interesting.
Elijah's birthstone is sapphire (clear thinking)
Elijah's birth flower is the Morning Glory... symbol of love; daintiness/talisman of love; affection
Elijah's birth tree is the Weeping Willow (the Melancholy)
The moon's phase on the day Elijah was born was waxing gibbous
Elijah's astrological sign is Virgo ...
For better or for worse, the virgo baby is plenty fussy! how else do you expect these kids to grow up to be perfectionists? get used to it: the virgo baby can be quite particular and needs to have a routine. at least having a routine isn't all bad, but don't even think of changing it! this baby will not respond well to a lot of change. the virgo baby can also be picky about food, so keep it simple at mealtimes. aside from these peculiarities, this tot doesn't require a lot. a clean bedroom and simple clothing are sure to keep this baby dry-eyed. as well, the virgo baby is quite good at amusing itself for hours with the most basic of games, feeling very little need for the attention of others. the virgo child also wants to talk early on, probably earlier than most of the other babies around. there's a lot going on in that mind, so it may as well come out! from an early age, this baby can also be seen as mother's little helper, as the need to serve others is a strong virgo trait. they also won't make a fuss over their accomplishments, since by nature these kids are a bit shy. to sum up, the virgo baby is fine on their own but also happy to help others, loves cleanliness, and can easily keep themselves amused. pretty (albeit picky!) good kid.
Elijah was born in the chinese year of the Goat...2003
Elijah would have started kindergarten in 2009,
and would have graduated high school with the class of 2022
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SUDC facts and FAQ's...
SUDC claims one in 100,000 children, usually affecting toddlers between 1 and 3.
There is no known cause, prevention, or cure.
**Frequently Asked Questions about SUDC
Answered by Dr Henry Krous
Director of Pathology, Children's Hospital-San Diego
Professor of Pathology & Pediatrics, University of California, San Diego School of Medicine, Director of the San Diego SIDS/SUDC Research Project
What is SUDC?
Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) occurs in children over the age of twelve months. The cause of death remains unexplained after thorough case investigation including: examination of the death scene, performance of a complete autopsy, and a review of the child's and family's medical history. SUDC is a diagnosis of exclusion given when all known and possible causes of death have been ruled out.
We have never heard of SUDC. Is this something new?
SUDC is not new, but it is very rare. Sudden unexplained death in childhood (SUDC) is rare, with a reported incidence in the United States of 1.3 deaths per 100,000 children, compared to 57 deaths per 100,000 live births for SIDS in 2002. It is not surprisingly, therefore, that there is very little known in the medical literature about SUDC.
What causes SUDC?
By definition, the cause(s) of death in these children is unknown. The diagnosis can be made only after thorough review of the medical history of the child and its family, evaluation of the scene where the child was found lifeless, and postmortem examination. This must include microscopic examination of the tissues, toxicology and metabolic analyses. Comprehensive postmortem evaluation may allow identification of known causes of sudden unexpected death in childhood, in which case a diagnosis of SUDC is not made.
Can SUDC be predicted?
No. At the present time, SUDC cannot be predicted. Since these children appear to be healthy, there is no obvious reason to have any testing done. And, health care providers would not know what, if any testing would be appropriate.
Can SUDC be prevented?
At the present time, there is no way to prevent SUDC as its cause(s) is not knwon. It is hoped that future research will identify means by which SUDC can be prevented. If and when risk factors are identified, such as prone sleep position for SIDS, then one might anticipate reduction in the risk of SUDC. In the meantime,follow optimal pediatric care recommendations, including attending well child visits, maintaining current vaccinations, and obtaining appropriate health care when clinically indicated.
Is SUDC inherited?
This is a difficult, if not impossible question to answer at this time. There is so little known and published about the sudden death of children beyond one year of age. The current medical literature seems to indicate that in the majority of cases there may not be an increased risk of the subsequent child dying. But much research needs to be done to establish the true risk for subsequent siblings.
There are inherited or genetic disorders that can cause sudden death; this is one of the reasons that comprehensive postmortem examination is very important. By identifying the disorders, appropriate pregnancy counseling and medical management of subsequently born children can be undertaken.
Are there state or national guidelines for investigating sudden unexpected deaths of children?
Death investigations vary widely throughout the United States and abroad. Virtually all states in the United States mandate autopsy examination in cases of sudden death in infancy. Although cases of SUDC would legally fall under the jurisdiction of the medical examiner or coroner, autopsy examination may not be performed in some jurisdictions. This is especially true if the attending physician is willing to sign a death certificate. The postmortem evaluation of a case of SUDC may not be as comprehensive or systematic as in cases of sudden unexplained death in infancy. For example, even though an autopsy is performed, important ancillary studies, such as metabolic analysis, may have been omitted.
Standardized protocols for both death scene investigation and postmortem examination in sudden unexplained infant death that have been endorsed by the National Association of Medical Examiners (NAME) and the Society for Pediatric Pathology. However, there are no mandated protocols for cases of sudden death after the first birthday. The existent protocols for infants could serve as an important, but imperfect diagnostic aid for children over one.
How does an SUDC child affect the family?
The family and caregivers of SUDC children are devastated by their loss and the sudden and unexpected nature in which it occurred. At one moment, a family has a happy and healthy child and soon after, without warning, the child is found dead. Even after a thorough investigation, medical professionals cannot explain to the family why their child did not wake up that particular day. This lack of understanding complicates their grief.
Families are further burdened with the commonly held belief that once a child reaches their first birthday, that sudden and unexplained deaths cannot and do not occur. Limited awareness and understanding of SUDC exists among both the scientific and bereavement support communities. Families often grieve in isolation, without information, resources or knowing that other families exist with their similar loss. Until now, there has not been a centralized entity that has addressed the many issues specific to SUDC tragedies.
Contact with other SUDC families can help. The newly bereaved can find understanding, hope, insight and objectivity through peer support of those who have had a similar loss.
**More information can be found at www.SUDC.org
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